How hard do you have to work for love? Not as hard as pop radio would have you believe. Love is not supposed to feel like a battlefield or a constant source of pain. It should be joyful, exciting, uplifting, and full of mutual attraction, affection, consideration, and fun. It should leave you feeling more alive, not more worn down. If love feels like a struggle all the time, something is off.

If you’re feeling bad or sad in your relationship more than 20% of the time, you may be in the wrong relationship. If you’re crying more than you’re laughing, something is seriously wrong. A lot of women hear songs about love and pain and decide that love equals drama, but that is not the same as a healthy relationship. Do not confuse intensity with intimacy. Pain is not proof that the relationship is real.

Love is supposed to be you making a special man’s happiness your priority, and he should be making your happiness his priority too. That is where the work comes in. Sometimes somebody has to make a sacrifice, and it should not always be the same person. If your boyfriend often disappoints you, makes you feel less than special, and forces you to work for his affection and attention, you can do better. The effort has to go both ways. If it does not, resentment starts to build.

Step back and give yourself time to reconsider whether this person can make you happy in the long run. Give yourself the gift of you. Spend time with yourself. Care for yourself. Nurture yourself in the ways that are missing from your relationship. Allow yourself to be happy by yourself, and decide whether it is time to move on and make room for a man who does not expect you to settle for crumbs. You do not need to earn basic care. You deserve a relationship that feeds you instead of draining u.